Recently, I was watching the new soap opera titled “widows, the mourning after” on ITV. I saw the way the lead actress (Bimbo Akintola) was manhandled and treated and my mind wondered to my aunty who lost her beloved husband she had three lovely boys for through a ghastly road accident several years back. It came to my mind just like yesterday, the agony she went through and watching the programme brought back those horrible memories.
My mind also went to a lady in the Pentecostal church in Jos, Plateau state where I worshipped during my National Youth Service year (NYSC). The young lady’s husband had died and before the body could even be given proper burial, the man’s family had banished the woman and her five children from their house. They had to go live in the pastonage (Pastor’s house). The pastor felt it was a challenge before God and so brought it before the congregation to pray for God’s intervention. Of course, God intervened and all the family members who connived to dispossess the woman and her children of what legally belonged to them started dying mysteriously one after the other.
They had to send people to come look for the lady after they buried the third member of the family who died mysteriously within two months. They came to the pastor to help talk to the lady and beg her for forgiveness. They asked her to come back and collect all the documents to her husband’s property. Of course, God intervened and the woman got back everything. Infact, the man’s family did not take a pin because they were now scared of dying.
Well, that is one story out of the lots that abound. All enduring marriages ultimately end with the death of the husband or the wife or both. The death of a spouse may be the most extreme life crisis because, it means some of the deepest emotional bonds established in a life time. However, the disorganising and traumatic experience, which accompanies death of husbands, tends to be greater on women than that of men when they loose their wives. Whereas the wife immediately becomes the primary suspect for her husband’s death, the man is immediately offered an appropriate substitution to comfort him upon the loss of his wife. This is because, from time immemorial, societies have always been male dominated and are still so all over the world. Women have always been relegated to the background and traditions and customs of Nigeria clearly rob women of their rights and privileges. We have a cultural setting that invariably promotes male domination and female subordination.
Stemming from this fact, women are treated like chattels (property), especially widows and the prevalence of witchcraft accusation, widows are subjected to a trial by ordeal (as prime suspect in the demise of their husbands.) The severity of these trials vary in different states and local government areas. In order to prove their innocence, they are subjected to a variety of ardous and degrading rites that violate some of their human rights and erode self-esteem. One of such, is the customs of inhuman mourning such as “wailing loudly for several days before their husbands corpse. Widows whose wailings were adjudged as inadequate were accused of being responsible for the death of their husbands.
After wailing, follows the moment of confinement/ seclusion either in their husband’s house or in several huts for various periods of time. During this period, widows experience several degradations and deprivations. Several practices are introduced to make widows uncomfortable and unattractive. Hair from different parts of their bodies are scraped and burnt; some wear mourning clothes which are never more than one set, they are denied basic comforts such as bath and their normal food habits are restricted.
Disinheritance tends to pauperise some widows so much that they lack the means of sustaining themselves and their children, particularly if they do not accept relatives allocated to them as their new husbands for where this custom is practiced. Widowhood practices differ from one location to another even within the same domain, however what remains a general fact is in addition to her loss and its attendant consequences, she is subjected to the whims of a culture she has no control over and to which she must submit herself to.
It is barbaric and the violation of the human rights of these widows to be subjected to such terrible and dehumanizing customs. This bring to my mind what happened in my neighbourhood. An affluent Bini man died and on the day of the burial, the body of the dead man was washed and the widow asked to drink the water from the dead man’s body as a proof of her innocence. This was a woman who had lived with the husband for over 28 years and had seven children for him (4 boys and 3 girls).
Why would she want to kill him? Anyway, the first son rushed into the house and came out with a sharp cutlass and brandished it before his kinsmen warning them to back off and anyone who insist on his mother drinking the water used in washing his father’s dead body would have to get to him first before his mother. The cowards all ran away and the children buried the father without those terrible customs. The family rumoured that because custom was not followed, calamity was going to befall the children. Thank God today that the seven children are doing very well. So those so call traditions are balderdash.
Widows are human beings like every other person and have their fundamental human rights. It is high time we stopped this barbaric acts against the women folks as they are either our sisters or over mothers. It is only a lazy persons, be it children or relatives that fold their hands and wait for their brother’s wealth to be handed over to them. Let us do away with all forms of barbaric customs and traditions because there is always a repercussion for every evil deeds. Please, let the society leave the women alone.
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