Bride price constitutes a very vital part of the African tradition. In many cultures, a woman is said to be unmarried until the man pays her bride price even though they are both living together already. In some cultures, the woman is not allowed to bury her father when he dies until the man pays her bride price. It is believed that the duty and responsibility of catering for a female child lies with the father and therefore, if a man wants to marry a woman, he has to respect her father by paying her bride price.
Bride price, also known as bride token is an amount of money, property or other forms of wealth paid by a groom or his family to the parents of the woman he has just married or is just about to marry. The bride price may be seen as related to present-day customs of maintenance for the wife in the event of the break-up of marriage and family maintenance in the event of the husband not providing adequately for the wife in his will. The average Nigerian wedding today takes four phases basically. In Yoruba land, the introduction ceremony is the first phase, families of the intending couple formally meets for acquaintances and asserts their consent to the proposed marriage. Some are done in a living room setting with strictly the nuclear or immediate extended families in attendance, and for some others only the paying of the bride price separates this from the proper engagement ceremony.
However, in recent times, the issue of bride price payment has frequently popped up, with many questioning the importance of the bride price. Those that are of the notion that bride price payment should be scrapped from our tradition buttress their point saying that bride price payment connotes that the father is “selling out” his daughter, particularly in the Eastern part of the country where the bride price is very high.
In Nigeria, and many other African countries for instance, the bride price is usually paid by the man, as it makes up a very crucial aspect of the tradition, and the marriage is said to be incomplete without the payment of the bride price. However, such payments differ from tribe to tribe. In the Benin tribe for example, the man pays N24 as the bride price, and of course presents tubers of yams, kola nuts, palm oil and the likes to his proposed father-in-law, the Esan pays N20, and in the Yoruba culture, payment of the bride price which is embodied in the introduction, constitutes the first phase of the marriage; all these differ from the eastern culture where the man pays a huge amount of money as bride price, and this also depends on the part of the East the girl hails from, because there are some places in the east where the man pays a minimal amount of money as bride price.
As a result of the various notion of bride price payment, the question: Is bride price a necessity or importance pops up. A thing is said to be necessary when it is a requirement or it is essential, while it is referred to as important when it is of great significance or value. Many may agree that it is a necessity because various cultures have made it a prerequisite or requirement for getting married to a woman, and others will say it is important because without it, people will label the girl “cheap”, and it also shows that the man values the girl and therefore, appreciates the parents of the girl through the payment of the bride price; and some others opined that it is both a necessity and importance.
However, there is no denying the fact that bride price is an important aspect of marriage traditions in Nigeria. In actual fact, it is a significant segment of marriage in the African society, as it is an instrument to ratify a marriage. It is one of the highest honors confirming a bride’s value and womanhood; giving the husband the full rights to the sexual, economic, or procreative powers of his wife. It fosters a friendly relationship between both families providing a material pledge that the woman and her children will be well-treated and a level of compensation to her natal family for the loss of her company and labour. It is most often a matter of social, cultural, symbolic and economic reciprocity being part of a long series of exchanges between families.
Furthermore, bride price is a symbol of sincerity and good faith connected with a woman’s reputation and esteem in the society. It is a token that highlights a degree of commitment and chivalry in a man and shows he does not only value his bride, but also holds a high regard for her family. Bride price does not in any way equate the worth of a woman. In fact, no amount of money can buy a wife; her value is inestimable in human terms. No man can pay for all the inputs of those who raised a good woman and all the benefits she brings, her love, care, help and companionship far outweighs any monetary value. A bride price is a humble demonstration of appreciation, honor and respect to the bride’s family for all the work they put into raising and training the female child, a wonderful gift from God and returning it seems utterly disrespectful to the groom and his entire family. Where a man treasure is, his heart will be also; paying the bride price of a woman symbolizes that a man has kept his treasure (money from his sweat) where his heart belongs.
In addition, I will take the stance that bride price is both necessary and important. It is necessary because it constitutes a significant aspect of our cultural heritage; and it is as well important because it shows that the man values the woman he is about to take as a wife, and also appreciates his father-in-law and the entire family of the girl for bringing up the woman, nurturing and catering for her.
Furthermore as the bride price signifies the beginning of a marriage (as it is paid at the introduction phase in most cultures), it as well depicts the end of that marriage, as the bride price is usually refunded to the man when the woman is no longer interested in the marriage. Needful to say, in some cultures, a marriage is not reckoned to have ended until the return of the bride price has been acknowledged, signifying a divorce. When a woman intends to leave her husband, she is expected to return the goods initially paid to her family.
Proponents of the fact that bride price should be scrapped still agree that once a man pays a woman’s bride price, he has full control over her, and therefore, can use her anyhow he wants; particularly in the eastern part of the country where the man is required and expected to pay a large amount of money as bride price. There was a true life account of a man who got married to a lady from the East. Prior to the traditional marriage, he was given a very long list, which he was expected to pay all before he got married to her. The man was “well-to-do’, and so he did all that was expected of him to do. However, on the day of the traditional marriage ceremony, a different set of people came with another long list of things the groom was expected to buy; this annoyed the man, and he then called his to-be wife and told her to talk to her people, but the lady bluntly refused, telling him to fulfill the demands of her people. Still furious, this man then bought all he was supposed to buy and paid for all he was expected to pay for. This lady began bragging to all around that her husband is rich and influential. However, after the marriage ceremony, the lady got into the car, and then her husband told her to look at her people, and that it will be the last time she will see them. At first, she thought it was a joke, until it was glaring to her that she will never be able to see any of her relations again, not even her parents. Although her people came to the house to see her, her husband prevented them from entering into the house and even instructed his security officers never to open the gate for any of his wife’s family members. This created a serious issue between both families, however, despite the pleas from his wife and her family, the man’s mind was already made up.
Bride price is very important, however, excessive tasking of the groom all in the name of ‘bride price’ is what many, particularly the male folks appear to disagree on. Many feel it’s just a way of the father ‘selling out’ his daughter, and that is why some have called on the removal of bride price, particularly in those cultures where the family members demands are very high.
Bride price is part of our cultural heritage; a genuine and deep rooted customary practice that makes marriage more meaningful and prevents the despicable way of life where wives are extremely easy to find, and equally easy to dispose off.
Jennifer Aniston wrote, “One tradition I have with my friends is that when one of us gets married, we have a ton of fragrance oils and pretty bottles at the bachelorette party. Everyone puts a drop or two in a bottle for the bride and makes a wish, and the bride wears our creation on her wedding day”.
The bride price is a price that every man should pay before he gets married to his proposed wife. Hence, to say you are married, you must have paid the bride price of the woman. Bride price is cultural, and even biblical.
Every man who intends getting married should fulfill his obligation by paying the woman’s bride price. Although some would agree that some cultures that demand a huge amount of money for bride price should be revisited. Buchi Emecheta wrote; “black women all over the world should re-unite and re-examine the way history has portrayed us”.
In addition, bride price is both a necessity and importance because it is indispensable; couples who have lived together for years without the man paying the woman’s bride price, still come back to pay the bride price, because the man cannot do without fulfilling this vital duty and responsibility of his. This clearly indicates that the importance of bride price in any given society cannot be over-emphasized.
Although, bride price is very important, it should not be used as a bait to siphoning money from the groom, particularly for cultures where they demand a huge amount of money. In other words, the payment of bride price is crucial, however, it should be done with love and understanding from both families.
