SELF-esteem answers the question, how do I feel about who I am? We learn self-esteem in our family of origin, we do not inherit it.
Have you wondered about what self – esteem is and how to get more of it? Do you know what to do about it?
What is self-esteem? This means a good opinion of one’s own character and abilities.
Global self-esteem (about “who we are”) is normally constant. Situational self-esteem fluctuates, depending on circumstances, roles and events. Situational self-esteem can be high at one moment (e.g at work) and low the next (e.g at home).
Low self-esteem is a negative evaluation of oneself. This type of evaluation usually occurs when some circumstances we encounter in our lives touch on our sensitivities.
We personalize the incident and experience physical, emotional and cognitive arousal, this is so alarming and confusing that we respond by acting in a self-defeating or self-destructive manner.
When that happens, our actions tend to be automatic and impulse-driven, we feel upset or emotionally blocked, our thinking nervous our self-care deteriorate, we lose our sense of self, we focus on being in control and become self-absorbed.
Global self-esteem is not set in stone, raising it is possible, but not easy. Global self-esteem grows as we face our fears and learn from our experiences. Some of this work may require the aid of a psychotherapist. In the meantime, here is what you can do.
(1) Get sober. Get help through help groups to stop self destruction or behaviours that can drag you down. Identify your mood and replace them with self care.
(2) Practice self care: Make new lifestyle choices by joining self help group, and practicing positive health care.
(3) Identify triggers to low self-esteem: We personalise unhappy events (e.g criticism by inferring a negative meaning about ourselves). A self defeating action often follows. Each event can instead, be a chance to learn about ourselves, and face our fears.
(4) Slow down personalizing: Target personalizing to slow impulsive responses. We can begin to interfere with these automatic over reactions by using relaxation and stress management techniques. These techniques are directed at self. Soothing the arousal.
This allows us to interrupt the otherwise inevitable automatic reaction and put into play a way to begin to face the unacknowledged fears at the root of low self esteem.
Stop and take notice: Pay attention to the familiarity of the impulse our tendency is to over react in the same way to the same incident, Awareness of the similarity can be the cue to slow our reactivity.
Acknowledge reaction: Verbalize here I go again. Actively do something with the awareness rather than passively note it, the result is to slow the impulse and give ourselves a choice about how we want to respond.
Choosing response: Hold self defeating impulses. Act in a self caring and effective way. By choosing to act in a more functional way, we take a step towards facing our fears.
Accept impulses. Be able to state the benefit (e.g protection to over reaction). We won’t be able to do this at first, but as we become more effective we will begin to appreciate what our self defeating impulse had been doing for us.
Develop skills: We can provide for our own safety engender hope, tolerate confusion and raise self esteem by learning and using these essential life skills.
Experience feelings: Feel feelings in our body and identify your needs. When we do not respect our feelings, we are left to rely on what others want and believe.
Optional thinking: End either low thinking think in shades of gray and learn to retrace meanings by giving our selves options, we open ourselves to new possibilities about how to think about how we think about our dilemmas.
Detachment: End all abuse, say no to misrepresentations and assumptions. By maintaining personal boundaries, we discourage abuse by others and assert our separateness.
Assertion: Voice what you see feel and want by making “I” statements. By expressing our thoughts, feelings and desires in a direct and honest manner, we show that we are in charge of our lives.
Receptivity: Self absorption listen to others words and meanings to restate them. In this way, we act with awareness of our contribution to events as well as empathize with the needs of others.
Self esteem will make you to be happier and live to your full potential
Be yourself
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