When children quarrel, there is always a definite reason. To some grown ups these reasons may not sound too valid. However, wise parents will not overlook any cause for unhappiness among their children, nor will they stand by helplessly while their home becomes a battle ground.

Leadership in the family always must be assumed by the parents, including settling most of the arguments and finding causes.

CAUSES OF QUARRELING
Why do children quarrel? Usually the reasons are far too numerous to mention but they can be reduced to one answer, the basic needs of at least one child are not being fully met. That is why it is important for parents to investigate carefully the causes of trouble in the home and to eliminate all grounds for friction between the members of the family.

Quarrels are easy to start, especially with high strung children and they do not have to belong to the same household. Often, it takes the wisdom of Solomon to untangle the claims and meet the demands particularly, when several families are involved sometimes, it is better to let the children work things out for themselves. But the wise counsel of coolheaded adults is usually necessary in meeting the more serious problems.

There are times when quarrel may arise because of some unrecognized physical illness. Every child should be given a careful medical examination at least once each year. This is best way to find those hidden causes of disease that are often overlooked until they are far advanced. A highly strung nervous may be a warning signal that there is some organic problem requiring attention.

If there is no physical disability there must be another cause which should be investigated. No child should be allowed to grow up in an atmosphere of anger and frustration, for this can lead to physical illness as well as, serious emotional problems. If there is any tendency toward favoritism in the family. It should be stopped immediately, wise parents and teachers will have no favorites.

WHY CHILDREN ARE SELFISH
From the day the baby comes to the world he has certain needs that must be supplied, day and night. During this times he is the centre of attention in the home and he naturally takes advantages of his position. But when another baby arrives his whole world suddenly changes and he hardly knows how to meet this new problem. Is it any wonder that most young children resent this intrusion into what they thought was their own private world? This is the point where serious family rivalry often begins (Egbute, 2000) such situations require wise handling by the parents.

If there is one thing that most older children desire more than anything else, it is equality and fairness. They hate any semblance of favoritism either in school or in their own homes. Much of the quarreling that upset so many families, could be avoided by remembering this simple fact. Every child deserves a square deal. This may not always be easy, especially with children of different ages, all of whom are at different stages of development.

It is very hard for any young child to be really unselfish, Each has to learn by training and experience and this may not always be pleasant often, these experiences are painful and sometimes, they lead to further quarrels and unpleasantriess.

We can hardly expect to avoid all of them. Even in the best of families, we learn to be unselfish through the things that we suffer and the sooner we learn these lessons, the better for all concerned.

Most ambitious children according to Okobiah (1999) find it difficult to think of others first. One wise mother solved this problem in very sensible way. Although, she enjoyed baking cakes, the peace of the home was often spoiled because her two boys always wanted the largest share. Then she hit upon a plan that taught them a valuable lesson. On a day when the boys began to quarrel over how large a slice they would have, she allowed the older boy to cut the cake and told the younger one to take the first choice. This worked wonder. It taught both of them how to be fair with each other and with the rest of the family as well.

SOME QUARREL ARE NORMAL.
When children quarrel, it does not mean that they are abnormal. Nor are they going to become social out-casts or juvenile delinquents.

Most children have every chance in the world to become sensible young people, provided they are handled right. Parents should not make too much out of this occasional spats. Children according to psychologists can learn to get along with others if they are allowed to grow and develop normally. But if the quarrels are too frequent, something must be done to help.

When a young child is misbehaving, he needs the love and understanding of his parents even more than when things are going well. If he is just acting this way, there is no doubt that some problem need to be solved and parents should never rest until they have found the cause of this strange behaviour.

If your child is physically ill, he should be treated by a physician. If he is emotionally ill, he may need help from some good family counselor. Every child wants to grow up and become a strong sensible adult. To do this, he must be surrounded in his own home with an atmosphere of security and affection.

Biting criticism will never solve the problem. What he needs is someone who can help him meet the problems of childhood and provide him with a background of stability for the rest of his days.

WHEN SHOULD YOU INTERVENE?
Whenever young children plays together, someone is likely to be hurt, but adult should be careful about rushing in to “pay him back”. Most active children can take care of themselves fairly well. Much depends upon the circumstances of the act. A careful explanation might be all that is needed to prevent further trouble. But a situation is quite different when a child persists in hurting another.

For this there is always some valid reason, such as jealousy. This should never be overlooked.
Serious emotional problems may thus arise, causing trouble in future years. It is better to find the cause and remove it now. Every child must learn to get alone with those around him. He must learn to respect their rights and feelings.

Every quarrelsome child has an uneasy feeling of quilt deep down inside of him. Scolding and punishing him may only increase his feeling of quilt, perhaps driving him into further misconduct. A little tactful diversion in the heat of the moment will often help to cool a flaring temper.
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